Getting Off the Rickshaw: A Lesson from Milli

I met my grandpa's sister for the first time this week. Her name is Milli, and at 91, she's still living in Honolulu where she grew up. She's tiny and bright, with a playfulness that makes you want to squeeze her the way you'd squeeze a baby's rollie thighs or cheeks.

But Milli's 4-foot-10-inch frame is deceptive. From a young age, her convictions loomed large.

She was 18 when she traveled to Japan for the first time in the early 1950s, representing her family at a funeral. The organizers placed her in a rickshaw with another woman. But instead of being drawn by horses, the carriage was carried by a man. She watched him strain under the weight—two passengers, the wooden frame, the oppressive heat. It felt wrong.

So she jumped off.

She walked alongside the procession instead. The decision came easily to her. She didn't count it as bravery.

My grandpa does. He told me his way would have been different—to ride in discomfort, spending the entire journey contemplating what to do, unsure, not wanting to offend.

I don't count that as weakness. It's a familiar feeling to me. Overthinking often leads to complacency in my own life. I've ridden in plenty of rickshaws, metaphorically speaking—staying in roles that drained me, biting my tongue when something felt wrong, choosing comfort over conviction.

But as I think about my remaining days and how I want to live, I want a Milli perspective. To act on my intuition. To do what feels most representative of my values. To leave a work environment that doesn't feel right anymore. To speak up when something needs to be said. To take actions that protect my personal peace and keep me true to myself.

The rickshaw is always an option. So is getting off.

Reflection

Where are you riding in discomfort instead of getting off the rickshaw? What would it look like to make the decision easily—not counting it as bravery, just counting it as living?

Start here…

Have we all been there? Wondering what’s next, is there more, what would a career look like that would help me feel fulfilled and really, truly satisfied & eager for a Monday. Is it possible?

I think so.

But first, what do you want? How do you want work to feel? What is energizing you and helping you feel like you are making a difference? These are mental exercises that can map for you a career path future.

Apply for the big job

The job posting sounded amazing, and I was ready to leave where I was.

I scanned the job description—scanned each bullet. Most felt safe and attainable. But there was that one, maybe two that made me pause. I didn't even know what they were talking about. If I didn't understand pieces of this role, should I even apply?

Self-doubt took over. I didn’t apply.

As soon as the job posting period closed, I felt the dumb, useless pangs of regret. I was mad at myself. I vowed that when something else opened, I would press 'submit' next time.

A month passed, and a new posting appeared. Not quite as alluring, but it made its way into my daydreams, and I kept my promise to myself. The interviews went well. They asked, "Would you be willing to be considered for any position on this team?" I answered, "Of course."

Then came the call that would shape the next two years of my career. I got the job. Not the one I applied for, but the one I had cried over. The first one I had really wanted. Maybe it was timing, maybe persistence, maybe dumb luck—but I got exactly what I wanted by applying for something else entirely.

Be smarter than I was. Apply for the job you want. When you encounter requirements you don’t understand, use them as interview questions rather than reasons to retreat. Remember you're interviewing them too. Are they worth having you? Press submit. You owe it to yourself to open every door that calls to you.

When everything at work feels uncertain

I've seen more leadership shifts and reorganizations in the last two years than in my entire career. I don't think I'm alone.

The manager who knew you and your work ethic might be gone. The team dynamics you understood have shifted. And now it's easy to fall into uncertainty about where you stand.

Uncertainty is code for insecurity and fear. Both are natural. Both also bring out people's worst instincts.

I've watched the most pleasant coworkers turn argumentative, gossipy, immature when the ground shifts under them. It's human nature—when we feel exposed, we get defensive.

Here's what I've learned: staying sure of who you are in the middle of change is the only way to show up as your best self. It's harder when your champion is gone and you're not sure who has your back. But it's also when it matters most.

This is your reminder that you know who you are, even when everything else is in flux. You've done good work before. You'll do good work again. The chaos around you doesn't change that.

Don't let other people's insecurity make you forget what you bring to the table.

Stop waiting to be discovered

I get this question all the time: "How do I actually get ahead at work?"

You put your head down, work like crazy, and wait for someone to notice. Someone will see how hard I'm working, right? This has to pay off eventually... right?

Sometimes it does. But here's the thing—working represents way too much of your life to just cross your fingers and hope.

Want to set yourself apart? Stop waiting and start asking. Didn't get into that mentorship program? Find your own mentor. Curious about switching departments? Grab coffee with someone who's doing what you want to do.

Here's what I've learned: the people who get what they want are the ones willing to ask for it.

You're worth more than waiting. So stop waiting. What's one conversation you've been putting off? What door have you been walking past instead of knocking?

Deflated

Feeling deflated? You aren't alone.

Maybe someone didn't listen to your idea, or you have a coworker who is not easy to work with, or a boss who just doesn't seem to care. Maybe all three at once or a million other scenarios which leave you wondering if this is all worth it. Can I just move to Greece and find something lucrative and low-key which lets me work from the beach?

Some version of this will happen. And then it will lift. Everyone's tolerance varies. One thing I do in these moments - and when things are good - is "script." Scripting is writing your dream day as if it's happening now.

Pretend you are writing the story of your life. You get to dreamscape your day-to-day. It might feel weird at first, but try this...

"I wake up refreshed, energized. My coffee has never tasted better and I arrive at work inspired. Collaboration with my coworkers is fun; we work together and it actually feels like we're a true team today. I am focused. My work comes easily. We laugh during our meeting, the banter is hilarious and I really, really love what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with."

It's part goal-setting, part journaling, part manifesting. It can be your creative outlet mapping your future state. It makes me feel better. Hope it helps you too.

Reset

There are days that simply require a reset. I'm learning that I can neutralize the negative and reset to a peaceful place. I don't have to wait until the next day to simply see what hand I'm dealt. I can actively participate in the reset, and the faster I can 1) acknowledge I'm grumpy, off, looping in negative thoughts, and 2) take a neutralizing action to help restore my peace, the better. It's a practice of emotional regulation that applies in my business world as much as it does in my personal life.

The first step—recognizing when we're off—isn't always as obvious as it sounds. Sometimes I catch myself mid-complaint, or notice I've been sighing more than usual, or realize I'm mentally rehearsing arguments with people who aren't even present. These are my signals. Your signals might be different: maybe you're scrolling social media with unusual intensity, or your shoulders have crept up toward your ears, or you find yourself being shorter with people than you normally would be. The key is developing your own early recognition system.

Once you've caught yourself in that spiral (because loop and loop we will), the second step is choosing your reset technique. The options are simpler than we often make them:

Take a walk outside, listen to music, ground in nature, nap. But what if you're stuck in the office? The reset doesn't have to be elaborate. Can you step outside and give yourself 5 minutes of sun exposure? Or indulge in a favorite coffee, tea, sparkling water? Find a funny reel and let yourself laugh?

Here's what I've learned to be true: your day is not wasted. We can restore to a centered point of peace. It is possible. The faster you find it, the more you're claiming back your time. The energy suckers do not deserve this much attention. As Anne Lamott says, "almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes. Including you."

Build your board

I'm choosing between two job opportunities right now. One's with a bigger, more prestigious national team. The other's with people who already know and champion my work.

I'm leaning toward the champions.

Here's why: Trust equals freedom. When people already believe in your capabilities, they give you autonomy to do your best work. When they don't know you yet, you spend months proving yourself instead of producing results.

This is your reminder to build your board of sponsors before you need them. Not networking contacts—actual advocates who know your work well enough to defend it in rooms you're not in.

Who can speak confidently about your contributions right now? If that list is short, start lengthening it. Share your projects with senior colleagues. Ask for feedback. Let them see your thinking process, not just your final outputs.

The best career opportunities don't always go to the most qualified person. They go to the most qualified person someone powerful can vouch for.